It's funny how you can go years without thinking about soemthing or even fully understanding the effects it had on you. Now, this is going to sound rather egotistical (surprise!) but I generally think I'm pretty self-aware. I just don't always act in the best ways according to what I know. Yet still, I like to think that I pretty much understand what I am and where certain thoughts/behaviors came from.
There was a moment tonight where a person in my life got stressed and their emotions/opinions went all wishy-washy from positive to negative. Instantly I went back to that place where I didn't know better. Where I didn't have someone to remind me that everyone is responsibel for their own actions. I'm fully willing to take the blame for my own and even then some at times, but sometimes I need to know that even when someone else is upset or angry it's not my fault.
From what people on the outside could see I got over it fairly quickly, but I know I shut down on so many levels and really just want to curl up and cry. That one moment and I went from being determined to be happy, optimistic and make significant changes this year to not even wanting to fight. It's times like these where I wish I could just go to sleep for a while and wait for the pain to be over.
I know I can't do that though. So where do I go from here?
- Write it out
- Let it go
- Forgive the moment
- Don't give up
- Cry if you need to
- Never, ever be afraid to reach out to someone (even if it pushes them away you'll learn something)
